Modern definitions

Here are defintions often dubbed as gayman's term (hihihihihihih): 


Cigarette: A Pinch Of Tobacco Rolled In Paper With Fire At One End & A Fool At The Other.

Marriage: It’s An Agreement In Which A Man Loses His Bachelor Degree And A Woman Gains Her Master…

Divorce: Future Tense Of Marriage

Lecture: An Art Of Transferring Information From The Notes Of The Lecturer To The Notes Of The Students Without Passing Through “The Minds Of Either”.

Conference: The Confusion Of One Man Multiplied By The Number Present  

Compromise: The Art Of Dividing A Cake In Such A Way That Everybody Believes He Got The Biggest Piece.

Tears: The Hydraulic Force By Which Masculine Will-Power Is Defeated By Feminine Water-Power.

Dictionary: A Place Where Divorce Comes Before Marriage and Success Before Work

Conference Room: A Place Where Everybody Talks, Nobody Listens & Everybody Disagrees Later On.

Ecstasy: A Feeling When You Feel You Are Going To Feel A Feeling You Have Never Felt Before.

Classic: A Book Which People Praise, But Do Not Read.

Smile: A Curve That Can Set A Lot Of Things Straight. Yawn: The Only Time Some Married Men Ever Get To Open Their Mouth.

Etc.: A Sign To Make Others Believe That You Know More Than You Actually Do.

Committee: Individuals Who Can Do Nothing Individually And Sit To Decide That Nothing Can Be Done Together.

Experience : The Name Men Give To Their Mistakes..

Philosopher: A Fool Who Torments Himself During Life, To Be Spoken Of When Dead.

Diplomat: A Person Who Tells You To Go To Hell In Such A Way That You Actually Look Forward To The Trip.

Opportunist: A Person Who Starts Taking Bath If He Accidentally Falls Into A River.

Optimist: A Person Who While Falling From Eiffel Tower Says In Midway “See I Am Not Injured Yet.”

Pessimist: A Person Who Says That O Is The Last Letter In ZERO, Instead Of The First Letter In Word OPPORTUNITY.

Miser: A Person Who Lives Poor So That He Can Die Rich.

Father: A Banker Provided By Nature.

Criminal: A Guy No Different From The Rest… Except That He Got Caught.

Boss: Someone Who Is Early When You Are Late And Late When You Are Early.

Politician: One Who Shakes Your Hand Before Elections And Your Confidence After.

Doctor: A Person Who Kills Your Ills By Pills, And Kills You With His Bills.

Office : A Place Where You Can Relax After Your Strenuous Home Life

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